sometimes when i write or think about writing something in my blog...i go through rewrites in my head. as if my brain was a fuckin english professor and then im like . yeah nvm...doesnt sound interesting...or naw..dont really like how that sounds.
so the emotion that i will write about is change.
CHANGE
one big change that has happened in my life has been me moving to NY. its crazy how its been 7 months now. i remember it as if it was last week..at least certain parts feel like it was last week. I remember my last day in richmond, saying goodbye to my friends...i wasnt really sad about saying goodbye to them..i was excited to start my new life and i know that we would remain friends..but it does suck that i wouldnt be able to hang out with them anymore...no more high times...no more getting drunk...no more watching movies late night..no more pizza runs....no more 12am movie showings..no more life in richmond california.
i remember the night of my flight. my dad stayed home, and when he hugged me he gave me a note. i was trying so fuckin hard not to cry. as i got into the truck....i looked at my dad and said " adios apa" i was crying on the inside...inside i just wanted to hug him and be like..NO I DONT WANNA GO ..i wanna be with you guys..im gonna miss my family...the trip to the airport was surreal ...i couldnt believe that the day was finally here...ive been talking about it since high school. I would say..i want to move to NY and take pictures and become famous/known.
...
finally it was time to say goodbye to my brother and my sisters..my friend yadira and my # woman in the world..my mom. as i got through security check i looked back and i could see my family waving to me. i waved back as they became nothing but a blur as water filled up my eyes.. I quickly turned my head and as i did. tears fell to the ground as i wiped them off and walked off..i kept thinking ...omg i cant believe this is it...im on my own......sigh.....
at first i was excited to be here..and doing this doing that...then i got homesick and that turned out to be a drunken phone call to one of my friends, Jay Perez..lol...i was so drunk in the st..crying and talking on the phone of how its been and how the industry is like and just how people with the ability to help you can try and take advantage of you...and you feel vulnerable and stuck and at the same time torn from making two decisions. do i ? or do i not ? that is the ?.. that made me hate the photo industry for a minute along with rebecca fain ( editor at XXL ) not really hate...but lets just say im not a fan..
